This is a very personal blog for me to share – but, as always, I write it in the hopes that someone who is suffering the same situation can be given a little hope that IT IS OK.
I am still pumping, and my baby is nearly 8 months old. He’s been mostly formula fed his entire life, and he’s happy and healthy. At the most, I was only able to provide about 25% of his daily diet as my breast milk. Now I’m only providing about 5% of what he consumes.
Before I get into the reasons why I have struggled with low breast milk supply, let me first say how offended I get whenever I feel women are judging me because they think I haven’t made enough effort. All I can say is, if you saw how hard I tried, you would have pitied me. I actually felt sorry for myself, and I’m not really one to spend too much time indulging in self-pity.
There were days when I pumped 10 times for at least 20 minutes a session to try to build my supply. Not to mention, I have spent more than $500 on products/tools ( and supplements that are supposed to increase breast milk (moringa, brewers yeast, fenugreek, Legendairy Milk supplements, chlorella, spirulina, etc.).
Despite all of the effort, and hours and hours daily spent pumping, I was never able to make more than 8-9 ounces per day at my highest output. Here are the reasons why:
- My baby, Cameron, was born 5 weeks early. The nurses warned me that it would already made it hard for him to learn to breast feed, as apparently the sucking reflex is developed at 36 weeks and he was born at 35 weeks.
- He got the bottle too early. He got used to that fast flow of the formula coming so quickly out of the nipple, so a human breast was probably frustrating and disappointing for him.
- He has a lip tie and a posterior tongue tie. Unfortunately, his medical bills were SO HIGH after he was born from my C-section, his circumcision (we got it done by a specialist to be safe), a hip ultrasound to make sure he didn’t have dysplasia (it’s common in preemies) and a double hernia removal surgery. Because of those bills, I let financial strain lead me to what I think was an error in my judgment. Looking back, I strongly wish I had just said, “Forget how expensive it is, we’re fixing this NOW,” because him getting breastmilk is so, so important to me.
- I saw 2 lactation consultants at the hospital, but neither one of them examined him for the ties. By the time I saw a lactation consultant who noticed his tongue tie, he was almost 3 months old and had already gotten to the point when he would instantly start crying as soon as I tried to get him to latch.
- I was not patient enough after that point to try multiple times a day to get him to latch. I was always in such a hurry to actually just get to pumping (because I always aimed for at least 6 sessions a day at approximately 30 minutes a session), that I never would make an effort to get him to latch as frequently as I should have. Don’t get me started on the #PumpingStruggles.
I will say that it always gives me a feeling of satisfaction to provide him with a bottle of my breast milk. Sure, I would have been the happiest with actually breast feeding him. But – like all mothers – I did the best I could with what I had. I encourage any other mother who struggles with low breast milk supply to feel happy with what we CAN do, instead of focusing on what we CANNOT do!
Having said that, I have made the controversial decision that on his 8th month birthday, I will stop pumping. My supply has dropped down to 2 ounces a day, and it just feels crazy I spending 1.5-2 hours a day pumping for only 2 ounces? WHAT IS MY LIFE?!!!
I’m sure there are many mothers who would tell me to just keep pumping for hours and hours and hours and hours to get a drop of breast milk. However, given the circumstances, I have accepted what I have done in the past and am looking forward to having more freedom from the pump. It is so hard to live life with so much time spent pumping. So many nights, I am exhausted and ready to fall asleep, and I have to drag out the pump and sit there while pumping for another 45 minutes before I go to bed. I’m ready for that to end.